Resilience is a skill—a set of behaviors and perspectives that help people face life’s ups and downs. It can be cultivated and strengthened in children through understanding, compassion, and support.
How Parents Can Raise Resilient Children
How Parents Can Raise Resilient Children
Whole Child Neuro
Life is full of ups and downs, and being able to bounce back from stress is an important skill called resilience.
Raising resilient children is a goal for many parents, yet it can also be a difficult prospect to watch your child learn how to fail. After all, as parents, we naturally want to protect our children from painful experiences. However, resilience is something that your child will use throughout their life, so helping them learn how to manage life’s challenges is protecting them in the long run.
We may think of resilience as a trait that only certain people are born with, or assume that resilient people never feel overwhelmed or discouraged. However, resilience is a skill—a set of behaviors and perspectives that help people face life’s ups and downs. It can be cultivated and strengthened in children through understanding, compassion, and support.
What does it mean to be resilient?
Resilience is the ability to adapt to new situations and recover from life’s challenges. Being resilient doesn’t mean that your child will never experience difficult moments. Instead, it means that they are able to bounce back from life’s challenges and move forward. Resilience allows children to handle setbacks, go through disappointments, solve problems, and experience new challenges with a sense of confidence in their ability to handle what comes their way.
Resilience isn’t about ignoring or avoiding difficult emotions; rather, it’s about learning how to navigate them and finding ways to keep going. This is something that can be tough for adults to do, and it can be even tougher for children! Resilience can help children with difficult social situations at school, like bullying or friendship ups and downs. Resilience can also be supportive during life transitions, like moving, changing grades, or going to a new school.
Building resilience takes time and practice, and often the guidance and support of others.
What contributes to resilience?
A child’s resilience is shaped by both nature and nurture. Genetics, early brain development, and temperament contribute to a child’s initial reactions to stress, but environmental factors have a significant impact as well. Here’s a closer look at how resilience is built in children:
Genetics
Some aspects of resilience are influenced by genetics and early brain development. For instance, children with a naturally easygoing temperament may find it easier to handle stress than a child whose temperament is not so easygoing. However, all children can build resilience over time, regardless of their initial tendencies or genetic makeup.
Supportive adult relationships
Relationships with supportive adults—whether that’s parents, teachers, mentors, neighbors, or extended family members—are a key factor in developing resilience for children. These relationships give children a secure base from which they can explore and try new things, knowing they have someone to lean on when things get tough. As a child, having relationships with supportive adults also provides a model for healthy coping and emotional regulation, which are crucial to resilience.
Learning through experience
Building resilience is all about learning from experience. Encountering manageable challenges and having the opportunity to work through them can help children grow and practice their resilience. Kids who are encouraged to tackle challenges—like solving a difficult puzzle, navigating a social situation, or working through a disagreement—are more likely to develop confidence and persistence, which are key aspects of resilience.
Being supported through setbacks
We all experience failure and setbacks, and it’s important to learn how to deal with them. When children are supported through setbacks and negative moments, they begin to understand that challenges are a normal part of life and can be navigated with help and self-compassion. Instead of feeling like failing at something is the end of the world, they will learn that failure is just a normal part of life that we all go through.
Emotional regulation skills
Resilient children are often able to understand and manage their emotions, a skill that takes time and practice. By learning to recognize feelings like frustration, sadness, or anger and having strategies to manage them, children develop a foundation for resilience that can help them respond more calmly and thoughtfully to life’s ups and downs.
Why do some children develop resilience and others don’t?
Children who face chronic stress, trauma, or a lack of supportive relationships may struggle to develop resilience. For example, a child growing up in an unstable home may experience constant stress that overwhelms their ability to learn healthy coping mechanisms.
However, even in challenging situations, the presence of a supportive adult and even therapeutic support can help children begin to build resilience in small, manageable ways. Remember that resilience isn’t a fixed trait, like eye color. Some children may be naturally more flexible or optimistic, but every child can develop resilience with the right guidance and support.
6 Practical Ways for Parents to Foster Resilience in Children
Fostering resilience takes time and compassion. Here are a few developmentally appropriate, kind ways to help children build this important skill:
Model coping skills
Children learn by observing their parents and the other adults around them. This means that you have an enormous amount of influence, and what you do matters! Show your child how you cope with different emotions, and practice these techniques with them. Demonstrate healthy ways to manage stress, like taking deep breaths, asking for support, or talking through emotions. By seeing you cope with challenges, your child learns that it’s okay to feel difficult emotions and that there are constructive ways to manage them. They’ll also see that hard times don’t last forever, which is a valuable life lesson.
Allow them to problem-solve
It’s tempting to hop in and solve problems for your child, but that doesn’t help them learn how to figure things out for themselves. Instead, allow them to take the lead and work through problems on their own. Offer gentle guidance when your child faces a challenge, but avoid the urge to solve problems for them. Asking questions like “What do you think you could try?” or “How do you think that will make you feel?” helps children build their problem-solving muscles. Learning that they can solve problems that come up can help them build confidence in their abilities, which is a big factor in resilience.
Validate how they feel
Remember that resilience doesn’t mean ignoring emotions—it means learning to navigate them. When your child is upset, let them know it’s okay to feel that way. Say things like, “I can see this is really hard for you,” to show that you understand. This validation helps children feel supported and encourages them to work through their emotions. Keep in mind that children learn from watching you, so showing them how to be a good listener and validate the feelings of others consistently can help them feel more prepared to do so themselves.
Celebrate their wins
Building resilience is a gradual process, so celebrate small successes. Celebrate the wins that your child has every single day, no matter how big or small. Did they try again after making a mistake? Did they try a new activity that felt intimidating? These small wins help children feel capable and proud, which builds confidence for future challenges.
Emphasize practice
The skills that make up resilience take practice and time to build up. This can be frustrating, especially for children. Teach your child that skills and abilities can grow with practice. You might say, “It’s okay if it’s hard now—every time you try, you’re getting a little better.” This growth-oriented perspective helps children see setbacks as part of learning rather than as failures.
Teach them mindfulness practices
Overwhelm is hard to deal with at any age, but for kids it can be especially distressing. Learning mindfulness skills can help them calm down in the moment and feel more prepared for what’s coming their way. Simple mindfulness practices can help your child learn to manage stress and stay calm in the face of obstacles or setbacks. Mindfulness exercises, like counting breaths or using sensory-focused grounding techniques, can give kids a way to center themselves when they feel overwhelmed, which is a skill they will use over and over again as they grow up.
Understanding Your Child Can Help You Support Resilience
As a parent, understanding your child’s unique needs is an important first step in nurturing resilience. Neuropsychological assessments can offer insights into areas where a child might benefit from additional support, whether in cognitive, emotional, or behavioral functioning. These assessments can:
Identify Strengths and Challenges: By pinpointing cognitive, emotional, and social strengths and challenges, neuropsychological assessments allow parents and therapists to create a tailored support plan for your child. For instance, if a child has difficulty with impulse control, they might benefit from activities that encourage patience and focus.
Inform Therapy Goals: Knowing more about a child’s specific needs helps guide therapy goals. If a child tends to feel discouraged quickly, therapy might focus on small, achievable steps to build their confidence and resilience gradually.
Empower Parents with Strategies: Understanding how your child’s brain works allows parents to respond in ways that feel supportive rather than overwhelming. For example, if a child has a high sensitivity to stress, parents can provide comfort while gradually introducing situations that promote resilience in a safe, manageable way.
Supporting resilience in children is a journey for the whole family.
Resilience doesn’t mean avoiding difficulties; it means helping children understand they have the inner strength and support they need to handle whatever life brings.
Through neuropsychological assessments, therapeutic guidance, and practical strategies, parents can empower their children to face challenges with confidence and adaptability.
Does your child need extra support right now?
If you’re interested in learning more about how our practice can support you and your child on this journey, feel free to reach out. Our team of neuropsychology and educational specialists is here to offer compassionate, affirming care to help children build the skills they need to succeed in whatever they do.